Series: A Love That Lurks at the Dining Table
My plan was going so well that it was frightening. Since the start of summer vacation, Mizuka has been coming to my house to cook lunch and dinner, and we’ve been able to spend time together without anyone seeing. She even agreed to go the aquarium with me when I used my drama as an excuse. She doesn’t refuse me at all. Even if her eyes shook with uneasiness, she still agreed.
But even though the plan should have been going well and I shouldn’t have anything to worry about, there was still a storm in my heart.
“Sorry for making you wait.”
In the station that hasn’t been very busy since Obon, I called out to her as she stared into a show window. I saw Mizuka’s casual clothes many times when she came to my house. She preferred clothes that looked normal over cute clothes. But today she was wearing a brighter outfit than usual. She had her hair in a half-updo with a hair clip instead if a rubber band.
I did hear her check her phone and go in front of her mirror countless times, saying stuff like, “I need clothes that won’t embarrass Hino-kun…” “Ehh, I have no idea…” and “I’m glad I bought that magazine…”, but seeing her in person felt completely different. Since Mizuka was someone who didn’t spend much time choosing her clothes, it delighted me that she did it all for me.
“Cute.”
She was always cute, every second of every day. Feelings that I couldn’t express well floated up as we started our date. We headed to the aquarium while holding hands.
I was wearing glasses so no one noticed it was me as we walked hand-in-hand together in broad daylight. I touched her often to get her used to it, but I was never able to get used to it myself. Her hand was smooth and a little cool and her fingertips felt a bit different than after she had her hands in water. Her fingers were so irreversibly lovely that I want to put them in my mouth. Instead, I ended up laughing like a child.
“Hino-kun?”
“It’s nothing. I’m just a little happy since this is my first time going to the aquarium.”
Mizuka looked shocked.
“I didn’t really have much interest before. But then I became a bit interested in the living versions of the food you make me.”
“T-That…”
She seemed conflicted over what I said. But it wasn’t as if I was lying. I was never interested in fish before, but after seeing her handling them, I became a bit interested in seeing them in motion.
I led Mizuka around the aquarium while looking at the pamphlet. “It seems like the ocean fish are over there. Here are the river fish.” Then, I led her to a place where we would need to get closer to see the beautiful fish and I talked about my appetite so she didn’t get alarmed.
“T-to think you liked fish this much, Hino-kun…”
“Yeah. It’s because of your delicious meals. It’s partly because of you that I’ve become so greedy, you know?”
Even though I didn’t feel anything before. Didn’t want anything. But she gave me hunger and thirst.
“Um, that makes me happy, but I don’t think you’re greedy at all. I’m just happy you eat what I give you.”
Then, I wonder if you would forgive me if I took all of you?
Maybe it was because of the dim blue lighting that made it hard to make out faces that I felt dark thoughts nestle in my heart. I didn’t know if the thoughts came to mind because I had confidence I could make off with her in the darkness and get away with it or if it was just my true nature. Everything should be going well. I didn’t have to do that. If we got closer, than she would surely fall for me.
But, how should be proceed with our relationship? She’s been making me bentos since April. Since the start of summer, she’s been spending time at my house. But, next…
What should I do to have her go out with me and live with me? Should I confess? What would I do if she rejected me?
I noticed I was back to what I had chosen before – confinement. When I looked at Mizuka, I saw that she had been drawn back to the jellyfish exhibit. The white masses were floating without moving left or right.
I was just like that. I was indecisive. Mizuka was already going to my house, so why didn’t I drug her to sleep and make her stay there? Why did I have to send her home every day?
I tightened my grip on her hand as we walked. After a while, we saw a sign for a restaurant in the aquarium and decided to go. She still hadn’t realized how tightly I was holding her hand. While we were talking about what to eat, we heard voices behind us. That moment, she quickly let go of me.
I understood why Mizuka let go of my hand when I turned around to see Sasaki and some of our other classmates. I understood, but my thoughts couldn’t catch up. No, this wasn’t good. I needed to protect Mizuka. When I finally snapped out of it, Sasaki was smiling triumphantly at Mizuka.
“But, well, Igarashi-san and Yousuke don’t suit each other at all. Just look at their atmosphere. Look, Yousuke is the gorgeous type, but Igarashi-san is the plain type… I mean, mature type. –Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.”
“Y-yeah. That’s… U-um, I should probably go back to searching for my, my parents… Bye.”
Mizuka ran into the crowded hallway. Sasaki and the other girls grabbed my arm and started trying to flirt, as if to replace her. Everyone around us started to look at me and cause a fuss because they kept calling my name.
I wanted to chase after Mizuka right away. But if I left Sasaki like this, rumors that I chased after Mizuka would spread across the school and I didn’t know what would happen. I was fine. I didn’t care what happened to me. But Mizuka shouldn’t be hurt like the people from before were.
“Do you all dislike something about Igarashi-san?” I asked in a subdued voice.
Sasaki turned to me with a smile and said, “Eh, I don’t really have much to do with her though?” without realizing my change.
“Then, why did you say those hurtful words? Like saying she was plain. And everyone laughed like you were all agreeing with Sasaki-san. I don’t think that attitude is good.”
“Eh~, but… I was just surprised to see you two together.”
“Yeah, Sasaki-chan didn’t mean anything bad by it. She always just speaks the truth.”
“But it was the first time I’ve ever seen you so malicious, Sasaki-san. I know what you’re all like in school, but the way you laughed today was completely different than normal. Almost like you were mocking Igarashi-san.”
Sasaki and the others looked uncomfortable at my words. But Kawauchi tried to smooth things over by saying, “You don’t have to say it like that.” When I glared at him, he quickly said, “D-don’t get angry,” but that attitude just made me even more irritated.
“Sorry, but this isn’t the first time this has happened to me. There were people who have been bad-mouthed and on the receiving end of malicious actions just because I talked to them. I thought that there was no way this was going to happen in high school, but I guess I was wrong.”
“I-I’m sorry, Yousuke. Will you forgive me if I apologize to Igarashi-san?”
“It’s Igarashi-san’s decision whether to forgive you or not. Besides, if you do this, I don’t want you to talk to me anymore. I thought everyone in school could get along, but now I feel betrayed.”
I had to insisted that I, myself, felt betrayed and in pain. If they thought I was defending Mizuka, then she would be in danger. I left with a, “Bye,” and went to go find Mizuka. I checked my phone to see that she was still in the aquarium, but I didn’t know where exactly. After checking the entrance once, I ran around to find her.
Really, why did people I didn’t ask for come for me and why couldn’t I have the one I wanted?
Of couse I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to see Mizuka. I needed to hurry and tell her not to worry about Sasaki, and apologize for her getting hurt and not being able to help her right away. There were many things I had to do, but the thought of wanting to see Mizuka filled my head. As I scoured the vast aquarium, I finally spotted a lonely figure in the outdoor exhibition dome where a dolphin show was held.
“I found you…”
I grabbed her arm so she couldn’t run away. Mizuka looked shocked to see me. I felt a selfish sort of sadness that she didn’t expect me to come look for her. I killed the urge to hug her countless times while I apologized, only for her to repute herself. I didn’t want her to think we didn’t belong together. I wanted her alone to think that it was natural. I would love that, but…
“I hate her the most… She made you seem like a fool on top of making you uncomfortable. I wish she had died.”
But, instead of words of affection towards Mizuka, I ended up spouting curses that did nothing but scare her. Was I still scared of rejection? Even if I was rejected, I could force her to be with me.
I wanted to touch her. I wanted to touch her so much. When I touched her during practice last week, it was not nearly enough. At that time, we were close enough that our eyelashes could touch. But she left me in an instant. My heart was filled with pain from wanting to embrace her, and I couldn’t hold back anymore, so I did. I knew very well how much trouble it would cause her if a reporter or someone took a photo, but I still wished for the impossible – that I could tuck her into my body.
“…just promise not to leave again.”
“…Okay, I promise.”
I couldn’t look her in the eye. But I wanted her to promise. I wanted some reassurance that Mizuka wouldn’t leave me in the future. I couldn’t hold her in my arms forever, so I gently let go. I walked down a step as I invited her to watch the dolphin show, feeling the damp summer heat on my cheeks.
I wanted a promise. That Mizuka was going to be mine forever. I was hoping to get it eventually. But at that moment, a strong desire to steal from her occupied my heart.
“Watch your feet, Igarashi-san. I almost slipped just now and took you with me.”
“Okay, thanks… Aah–“
While pretending to guide her, I pulled Mizuka’s arm strongly. Since she was three steps above me, she fell softly to me. I supported her shoulders to lessen the impact and let our lips connect. I knew that Mizuka would have her eyes wide open, but I wondered if she would even notice that mine were closed.
“I’m sorry!”
I apologized, but I knew it was something that couldn’t be forgiven. But Mizuka will forgive me. In the end, I was probably the one using and hurting her the most. I put on an apologetic face, despite the joy in my heart.
Merry Bad End Translations 
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